I have a lot of people in my life that wonder WHY I am not faithful… They often confuse my lack of enthusiasm for Church with total disbelief. That is not the case!
Too many people are out there and beating their bibles and screaming at any passerby that will listen. They want you to believe! Now, for those that do believe in something, great! However it is NOT good enough! You have to believe in “THEIR” God! Or else…
Religion is the root of a lot of happiness and rejoice…
Religion is the root of a lot of pain and misery…
Religion is the root that has been replanted, revamped, and the roots are dying…
Too many fanatics have ruined what religion should be!
I remember when I was young and I would go to church, I went as often as I could! I went to bible camp. I made friends! There was one guy, he was an older gentleman. He would reward the kids with different pieces of candy for reciting a different verse of scripture. If 2 or more of us would say the same one, neither of us got it! It was FUN!
As time went on and I looked for answers from those who I was to look up to, I was cast aside and shunned for my thirst for knowledge. The harder I tried to understand, the harder I seemed to be punished.Not to mention the further from the flock I was pushed...
If you beat another person down for so long, eventually, they will ask you… Why am I being beat?
When I asked what the purpose of things are, when I asked WHY things are how they are I was hit in the face with more punishments, more alienating, and more depression in fear of the thought that my curiosity had angered God. Why wouldn’t I? I was being left in the dark and pushed OUT of the flock by the people we looked to as our Sheppard. If I had upset them, I was under the impression that those people if anyone would have a direct line to God.
When I was younger, and I had not begun to understand science as I do now, I used to think that the stars in the sky were windows for the angels and our loved ones above to look in on us when they wanted to…
Then as I started to grow older and I again found more of the teachings in the church and the studies that did not fit, work out, or just seemed not right. I again questioned these things. By this time I was so sick and tired of hearing: “You got to have faith…”
Listen man! You are NOT George Michael and you are NOT getting a record deal ANYTIME soon!
There was a Yahoo article a while back that was talking about how physicists have discovered the so called God Particle. No, it is nothing like the movie with Tom Hanks! There were a lot of battles of words and schools of thought were seriously clashing that day… One person said something that totally made sense… “The Bible tells us WHAT God did… Science has told us HOW he did it…”
That put a lot of things into perspective for me! That one line made so much sense that it shook me to my core!
I have spent so many hours reading, listening, watching, and taking in all that I can about different religions that it could be considered pointless by most. I considered it educational most of the time. There are some religions out there that are unfortunately rather mainstream, but still scare the hell out of most that look in from the outside!
I could talk for hours and hours on my belief structure. I won’t, not yet… I made a promise to someone that I would give faith one last honest try… I have made contact with a man who is a preacher and he is very interesting to say the least. He is a teacher during the week at a Christian College. If he cannot tell me the answers to what I am looking for, I would hope to all that it is… that he will be able to point me in some direction to where I CAN find what I am looking for.
However, I do hold this man in the highest of regards, I do find one fault with this plan… Me. I have been told all my life I am never satisfied. I always want more! Yes, that is true! If I have $20, I want $30… If I have 4 Cherry Cokes in the fridge, I want another 12 pack waiting… I will do what I have to in order to make that happen though!I am NOT one to sit back and wait for anything. I am not one to sit there and cry that nothing is done or changed. I make things happen! I research WHY things happen.
I will always want more information! I know for a fact that I will never be able to find all the answers. I know this. No one ever will. If I could find all of the answers, I would be talking to God himself and I cannot do that to my family that needs me here.
In closing, for now… I will say that I am going to be starting back towards a path that so many claim to follow… Yet most of them ignore the teachings of the path they claim to follow in order to make room for their own agenda. I am going to start looking for answers until I am sure that there are no more… Maybe someday I will find what I am looking for…
Maybe, just maybe… it took a Southern Bell, and our munchkins to weaken the mortar of the brick walls I have built.
Hopefully, they can help me find what I lost long ago… Me.
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